Monthly Archives: January 2015

chaos- complete and utter chaos

Hello dear readers. I haven’t blogged in a few weeks cause everything has been so absolutely crazy with my family. I covet your prayers for my family. There is not any of my kids and some step kids who it seems as have lost their complete minds since the beginning of December. It began with my youngest, who I honestly thought had it all together. She has been planning a wedding for 6 months; date August 2015. She decided that she was mad at her fiance and said okay here is what I am planning to do: I am going out with this other guy. You are going to be at my beck and call. When I say jump, you will simply ask how high. Now this is not exactly how the conversation has went, but it may as well have. What does he do? He jumps through as many hoops as she hands him.

How do you stop a nineteen year old girl from insanity? Have her commited? The problem is this, and this only clarifies it in my mind. She is NOT ready to be married. I know this, but if I say something to her, it will be bad. She has moved out and is now not speaking to her father nor to I. The ex-boyfriend? She is still leading him around by the nose. This boy has become part of my family for the past 2 years and I am not going to just throw him to the wolves. His family is not very supportive of him. And in a sense even negligent. Yes, I know that was judgemental. Currently, he ex is staying at our house. He went to leave the day she moved out and his car won’t start. I am driving him back and forth to work, unless I have nothing to do and just let him take my car. Then, he got really sick, Saturday, I took him to the hospital. He has been at my house sick as a dog and not one phone call or visit from any of his family members. they haven’t even thought about getting him back and forth to work.

Anyway, my oldest son is having troubles in his relationship. My oldest daughter is also. My youngest  son also moved out Christmas eve. I began wondering if I had cooties or something at this point. But the truth, they didn’t want my opinions. He moved to another state and in with his girlfriend. My step-daughter was on drugs really bad, she lost custody of all four of her children. She just got out of jail. This bothers me. At least I know she was alright while she was locked up. Her and her sister drive me crazy worrying about the mess they get their selves into. My stepson has turned into someone I have no clue who he is either. My only hope is for the two of our children who live no where around us.

That only leaves us with my granddaughter and the ex at home. The only thing I can do is allow God to have complete control. So that is what I have done. My issue is this, when I go to the throne of grace and give something totally over to God, fifteen minutes later, I take it back and try to work out the problem for myself. This is so not how to get the right outcome. I can do absolutely nothing. I am nothing. God is the only one who can fix this mess my children have made, so why am I trying to fix it myself? Because I love them. Because I want whats best for them. Because I want them to know and love the God I do, the only true God. Because that’s just what mothers do. So you may be wondering who I am trying to convince, you or myself? I don’t know. I know that I can’t do this, I need God to take control. I need to let go and let God. So please pray for my family and the struggles that we are going through.